Atlanta, April 2012. 

i don’t expect for everyone to share my recently acquired views regarding single life and being content in this “season” <—think of that more as a poetic phrase than a churchy one. not everyone comes to this stage of contentment. and that’s totally fine. we all reach our enlightenment in different ways by different means— and some not at all. however, i do expect respect for my decisions and choices and views. 

i’d hate to stoop to jealousy and “haterism,” it feels like a cop out, but i’m kinda left without any other option. i can’t fathom another reason why someone would constantly throw your singleness in your face… to hurt you. this has been happening to me more than acceptably normal. i don’t get it. you like where you are, i like where i am— that instantly reads peaceful coexistence in my book. people, am I right or am I right? so, what’s the point of continually reminding me that i’m single? i’m kinda aware of that. furthermore, not only are you hurling “i got a boo” in my face over and over, you’re doing so to make me feel less than and bad about myself. 

what? really?

i realized at the beginning of this year, after being burned a few times, that i’m at my happiest when i let things flow. i don’t take this realization for granted because i had to be hurt to gain it. there’s nothing like pure humiliation and hurt to make a lesson stick. i like my wandering eyes and freedom and time to develop myself. i know everyone doesn’t need these things, and that’s fine with me because i happen to own a life that I’m busy living. 

i realized that looking for love is detrimental. i realized that, if it’s meant to happen, there is going to be someone who enhances my life and gets me. i can’t settle for less than that. my identity isn’t verified by someone else. 

so, you got a boo. congratulations. geez. go away.

every single time i accomplish something i immediately get bored with the fact that i actually accomplished something. it’s as if that specific achievement wasn’t enough so i crave something else to appease my thirst to become better. maybe that’s just human nature, but in my case it’s pretty severe— to the point where i instantly feel like i haven’t done a thing. to me, if i’m not consistently “winning” or accomplishing goals and making dreams come true, i’m a loser. 

enter my weight loss journey. ugh. i’m doing good! but i’m not saying that with a “yay me!” tone, more like, “why am i not ‘yay meing’?” tone. i’m so discouraged right now, despite the incredible amount of weight i’ve managed to work off in the past few weeks. i’m just not happy. granted, it is good motivation to constantly have that “work harder, you’re not there yet” feeling nagging at me, but geez! can i get a break emotions? or at least drop this weight quicker. this whole ordeal has got me so sad… ridiculously obsessed and sad. i can’t wait till it’s over. 

i need to go back into hiding. horrible timing for this need to surface though, right as i begin my summer adventures? #sigh but it’s needed. i need to take care of some things and then go back into society— as in people i know. strangers are great. they’re my best friends because you only know them for the nite and they exit your life. it’s when you begin to know someone that the issues start. smh

(Source: oneinch)

so, i don’t know what tv is these days due to school, but i unfortunately decided to catch up on some shows everyone loves. that being said…

i just don’t get basketball wives.

these women trade adult lives for immature foolishness. they dwell in pettiness and double standards. it’s entertaining, yeah, but ridiculously sad. i was pissed off the entire time i was watching it, and the fact that people AGREE with the way they conduct themselves is a shame! how do you agree with disrespecting other adults? who’s reality is this? it certainly isn’t mine. i don’t live in a reality where it’s demanded of me to have a backbone and constantly stand up against someone physically threatening me. there’s a reason we have law enforcement: for adults who cannot behave and govern themselves as adults.

seriously, if i can’t defend myself in a fist fight (or at least the illusion of one) or shout the loudest or call the most names i’m not real or woman enough? bull. that ghetto behavior belongs where it originated. 

i’m so mad at this show. women have a hard enough time getting respect as it is to have to add fighting the views of women this show promotes and cultivates in the young women watching it to the list. smh <— that was a difficult sentence to express. read it a couple times and you’ll get what i’m trying to say. lol

This Thunder/Lakers series is so entertaining.

I like to see the Lakers frustrated.

(Source: elaborateclarity)

in one week i’ve lost 1 1/3” off my waist and gained 3” (THREE) in my hips/bum! i’m eating crapish (although more portioned amounts), but i’m dancing my tail off daily for my workouts and getting in the sauna regularly.

moments like these got me proud of myself, however i’m still really overwhelmed by my weight and this process in general. can’t wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel. #sigh

happy. #watchmework

Nina Simone performing at the Pan-African Festival in Algiers (1969). Photo by Guy Le Querrec.

“Did you know that the human voice is the only pure instrument? That it has notes no other instrument has? It’s like being between the keys of a piano. The notes are there, you can sing them, but they can’t be found on any instrument. That’s like me. I live in between this. I live in both worlds, the black and white world. I am Nina Simone, the star, and I am not here. I’m a woman. My secret self is between these worlds.” 

(via)

(Source: oldhollywood)

i always try to be this person. sometimes people need another human being to empathize with being human. i know a little something about that. 

love god. love people.

(Source: serialstranger)

unhealthily addicted to pinterest! all my dreams and fashion sense on that mug. lol —> pin with me!

(Source: megansdancelife)

i’m not nearly patient enough for this weight loss process and i’m too paranoid for this torture. i can’t wait till i meet my goal. 

never doing this to myself again. granted it happened due to difficult life issues, but eff what’s going on around me because in the end i messed myself up.